Preparing You for the Path

One of my favorite parenting and teaching questions is, "Are you preparing your child for the path, or are you preparing the path for your child?" When I first heard this question, I envisioned this path through a thick jungle that is full of rocks, tree branches, and tree trunks fallen over onto the dirt path. As it winds through the dense mass of trees and vines, I see parents stopping their children every few steps and picking up a boulder and tossing off the path for their child. Or maybe the parent has a machete in their hand, and the parent quickly cuts the branches away from the path, so that when the child walks the path, it is free and clear of any obstacle.

Will this create a happy child? Most definitely. A child with a cleared path can frolic and play to his heart's content along that path. However, he will also grow up with the belief that the path should always be cleared for him. He will believe that life is easy, and that it isn't his responsibility to clear his own path. And when the path isn't clear for him, it will be confusing and upsetting. Clearing that path for your child will create a miserable and frustrated teen and adult. Life simply is not a free and clear path. There are bumps, and rocks, and logs, and sometimes there are lakes we have to swim. And sometimes, there is no path at all.

We only have 18 years to teach our children, then that's it. Our reach on them is over. Once they are an adult, they are theoretically on their own. But many parents (the path-clearing ones) usually find that their children are poorly equipped to enter the world as adults.

Why is it so hard to teach our children to clear their own path? Because we hate to see the struggle. It's heartbreaking to watch my precious daughter drop that huge boulder she's trying so hard to clear out of her path. I know that I can just go over there and grab it for her. It would be so easy for me to clear the path for her. It's not that big of a rock to me. But does God do that for us? Does he take away our struggles and just “fix it” for us? Sometimes, yes—God gives us miracles. But the vast majority of the time, there is a reason for our struggles.

Romans 12:12 tells us, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” We are refined and made whole through our struggles. God never promises us a clear or easy path. He actually says in Zechariah 13:9, “This third I will put into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The LORD is our God.’”

Sometimes those struggles bring us to a place in life that is more joyous than we could ever imagine—precisely because of those struggles. Removing struggles from our kids’ lives isn’t the answer, because how can we possibly teach our children who God is, if we don’t model how God is?

Preparing your child for the path is a completely different concept. I walk the path with my child. As a boulder comes up in her path, I'm there with her, but I empower her to move it herself. "Wow. That's a big rock in your path. What do you think you could do to get it out of your way?" The responsibility is now hers. She can respond how she sees fit. Maybe I know her suggestion won't work. But I still let her try. "That didn't work well, did it? What's another option you could use?" I'm not giving her answers, nor am I clearing the path for her. The next time she encounters a similar boulder, she will know what to do without having to ask me.

This is not unlike God in our lives. He gave us free will—and He will let us fail again and again. God is ok with us choosing the wrong path. It grieves His heart, but He knows He is still God. Do we do the same thing when giving our children choices? Are we truly ok with them making the wrong decision? Or do we intervene with a mandate or ultimatum? Again, how can we teach our children about who God is, if we aren’t ok with them making the wrong choice? I’m not saying we condone the bad choices, and I’m definitely not saying there shouldn’t be consequences for wrong or bad choices. But what I am saying is that I have to be ok with who I am and who my child is—and allow her the freedom to make those choices on her own, then deal with the consequences—or blessings—of those choices.

Obviously, there will be times where the tree trunk in her path will be entirely too big for her to move out of her path on her own. I will be there to partner with her. She will come up with the plan; I will help, and we will clear it together. Similarly, God tells us He will “never leave us or forsake us,” Deuteronomy 31:6. He never tells us we won’t have troubles.

All too often in teaching, I see students whose parents have been clearing the path for their child their whole life. When confronted with boulders or tree trunks in their path, the students are clueless as to how to clear the path. They look at me as their teacher, and they get upset with me for placing a boulder in their path. They get frustrated that I don't clear it for them. It breaks my heart that some of these kids are so helpless and powerless to forge their own way.

It takes more time; it takes more patience, and it takes more grace to allow your child to clear his or her own path. But in the end, it's undoubtedly the most loving thing to do.

Robin Williams

My dearest girls, you are not old enough to know who Robin Williams is, or even understand right now what suicide is. Robin Williams was an actor and comedian who recently killed himself. He was in many movies that I watched as a child and into adulthood. The news and social media have covered his death extensively, and countless articles about his death and his life have been written in the past few days. He had battled depression his entire life, and few who were close to him were surprised that he took his own life.

Depression is defined as a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn't worth living.

Yearly, 40,000 Americans kill themselves. Most have been diagnosed as depressed, and doctors and experts say that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Some blame it on biological differences, hormone imbalance or inherited traits. Pharmaceutical companies make billions of dollars every year on anti-depressant drugs. Many people who are depressed take these drugs, or they turn to alcohol or illicit drugs to help them manage the symptoms of sadness, loss, and disinterest. When depression takes over someone's mind, it can lead not only to drug abuse, but more drastic measures such as suicide.

Suicide is never the answer. Jesus is. I know that seems so simple, or that I am over-simplifying life. I know that there are times where life is hard, and everything seems to be going wrong. It seems like everyone is against you, and that you can't do anything right. There will always be difficult seasons in life. And even in the easier, more jubilant seasons, there are dark days.

Depression is simply this: a loss of identity. Someone who is depressed does not know or does not believe who they are or - more importantly - Whose they are.

If you are a Christian, then you believe what the Bible says. You can't pick and choose what you believe about the Bible. God says some wonderful things about YOU. The statements below are true of you.

I am accepted…
John 1:12 - I am God’s child.
John 15:15 - As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1 - I have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17 - I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 - I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:27 - I am a member of Christ’s body.
Ephesians 1:3-8 - I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Colossians 1:13-14 - I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
Colossians 2:9-10 - I am complete in Christ.
Hebrews 4:14-16 - I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.

I am secure…
Romans 8:1-2 - I am free from condemnation.
Romans 8:28 - I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
Romans 8:31-39 - I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22 - I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:1-4 - I am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6 - I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
Philippians 3:20 - I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7 - I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18 - I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.

I am significant…
John 15:5 - I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
John 15:16 - I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
1 Corinthians 3:16 - I am God’s temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21 - I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Ephesians 2:6 - I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10 - I am God’s workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12 - I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

This is who you are. If you choose to believe this about yourself, then how could you be depressed at the same time? You can't. That doesn't mean you won't have bad days. It doesn't mean you won't cry because that boy broke your heart, that girl was so mean to you, you didn't make the team, or your effort just wasn't good enough. Those things will happen. Your heart will be broken, and you will cry. You will be sad, angry, depressed, or upset at times. But those desperate times do not define who you are, and you can't let it.

When you go back and look at the "reasons" for depression: chemical imbalance, biological differences, hormone imbalance, or inherited traits, you will see that all of those are impossible when you look at who God says you are. God created you in His image. God did not create you with a chemical or hormone imbalance. Re-read how He did create you. He didn't create you to be depressed or to believe the lies of Satan or the world. The world has searched for answers as to why people feel the way they do. None of the answers take into account who we are. Can Christians be depressed? Absolutely. But it's when we allow those feelings (and the Enemy) to overtake our hearts and minds that it becomes dangerous.

My dearest loves, always remember who you are and Whose you are. The Bible tells you these things. Believe them - not only in your mind, but also in your heart. There will you find Him. There you will find rest, and there you will find peace.