The Revolving Doctor Door

I have suffered with hypothyroid symptoms now for more than 10 years. It started with a multi-nodular goiter. My general practitioner wasn't even the one who found it. It was my OB/GYN when I was confirming I was pregnant with Mikayla. I had to wait until after I gave birth to her, but as soon as I stopped nursing, we started to work on my thyroid.

In addition to bloodwork, I had sonograms, a thyroid scan, a radioactive iodine thyroid uptake exam and a fine needle biopsy. The fine needle biopsy was one of the worst experiences of my life. In 2009, it was eventually determined that I should have a partial thyroidectomy to remove the goiter and affected tissue. I found no relief from my symptoms following the thyroidectomy. Doctors monitored my thyroid hormone levels, however, and they concluded that my half of a thyroid functioned normally, because the bloodwork said so.

I still felt awful, and eventually grew another goiter. My general practitioner refused to do anything about it—or even believe me. So I went on my own to get a sonogram to prove there was a goiter. When I brought him the results, he still wasn't alarmed. I asked if I could just try a low dose of Synthroid to see if I felt better, and he said he could lose his medical license if he did that.

I switched doctors. Repeatedly. I begged each one to listen to me and my symptoms—not the paperwork from lab results. So more bloodwork, thyroid scans, another radioactive iodine thyroid test. Each new doctor gave me a renewed sense of hope. Maybe this doctor will finally be the one to help me.

All "normal". So again and again, I was told that my headaches were from stress—so reduce my stress. My fatigue is stress, too, obviously. My weight gain was from overeating—so eat better and work out more. My muscle weakness is because I'm not working out enough and my muscles are atrophying—so hit the gym! Not being able to control my body temperature—well that's odd, but probably not related to your thyroid. My elevated LDL cholesterol—I need to eat better (remember, because I'm fat?). My hoarse voice—I talk all day as a teacher. My hair loss—that's stress, too. My plantar fasciitis—not related at all. Maybe it's my hormones—let's put you on birth control to regulate your hormones. Maybe it's my adrenals—so off I go to have an adrenal function tests and cortisol levels checked. Maybe it's my kidneys—so off I go to get those checked out, too. Maybe it's a gluten allergy—stay away from gluten. Eat more iodine; consume less iodine. Eat kelp. Eat this. Avoid this. You'll be fine.

I've also developed tinnitus. I've always had it, and I thought it was normal until someone told me it's not. And I was nearly in my 30's then. Lately, it's getting worse and worse. I'm starting to lose my hearing, and I can't separate sounds when there is background noise. I find myself turning my head and straining to hear. It takes all my mental faculties sometimes to hear someone speaking. The ringing is incessant, and the worst at night. I had no idea tinnitus could even be related. But one night, I was googling, and I found there is a direct correlation to tinnitus and hypothyroid. Again, another symptom I clearly have hypothyroidism.

I've asked a couple doctors to be referred to the Thyroid and Diabetes Center in Fort Worth. One doctor flat refused. Another said he would do it, but not to expect anything, since my labs were all normal. When I hadn't heard from the TDC in more than a month after the referral, I called them myself. They told me that they had received my referral and labs, but there was nothing they could do for me, since all my labs were within range.

I go through periods where I resign myself to always feeling like this. Always being overweight and feeling awful. Losing my hearing and my sanity. Then I'll get determined to find the answer with yet another new doctor.

In all, I had ten doctors —TEN—tell me that I have normal lab results, so I must be normal.

Last month, I went to see Dr. Number 11. As I told her my symptoms, a wave of despair washed over me as she dismissed everyone one of my symptoms as related to something else. Stress, hormones, adrenals.

So here we go with the bloodwork. "Please, God! Let it show *something*!"

I receive the results, and Hallelujah! I finally had abnormal test results! That means I haven't been imagining it! My hypothyroidism is finally bad enough to show up on a lab test!

Then I get the letter from Dr. Number 11 containing all of my results. She says that the thyroid numbers aren't significant enough, and she's not going to treat me. That my TSH level is normal, as is my T4, so my T3 Uptake and T3 Total don't really matter, because it all cancels each other out. I was dumbfounded. I have never felt such despair and hopelessness.

Our Response to the Broken

I saw a post on Facebook today that went something like this, "My heart is broken in two for my three year old son. Why? Because a teen-aged bully hated his hair. My precious son won't stop asking me why people hate him for his hair color. He's left so confused and upset."

I completely feel for this mom. She had no idea how to answer her son, and she expressed her empathy toward her son. Unfortunately, the mom's broken heart is misplaced. I'm not saying she should not feel empathy for her son. When our children hurt, we hurt. But ultimately, her heart should be broken for the teenager who is so cruel that he would make fun of a three year old little boy's hair. That's what's happening to God's heart. His heart is broken for the teenager. Of course God's heart hurts for us when we are hurt, too. But should we even be hurt by these words? We know that we will hurt in this life, because we live in a sinful world. God never said that we won't feel pain or affliction. John 16:33 says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." It's what we choose to do with the pain and affliction that comes our way that makes all the difference. In addition, we have to teach our children the appropriate response to darts that the enemy flings our way.

We have to stop being victims, and we have to stop teaching our children to be victims. By allowing our child to be hurt, frustrated and upset by a stranger's words is unwittingly teaching our children that we should allow other people's negative words to have profound effects on us. And that's not healthy or biblical. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." If someone's words don't encourage me or build me up, then I have the power to reject their words. I don't have to accept those words spoken to me to have power over me. I don't have to choose to be hurt or upset. The old schoolyard retort, "I'm rubber; you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you," is aptly appropriate. Words spoken to me that are unbiblical can bounce right off of me, and never enter my heart. I am who I am because God says that's who I am. If someone tells me I'm anything other than that, then I know it's not from God, and it's not the truth. We should I cry over lies?

When my children overhear others being mean, or others are mean directly to them, we talk about how that person might not have Jesus in his or her heart. We talk about how Jesus can teach him or her to love. We pray for that person instead of turning to ourselves, feeling sorry for ourselves and wondering why someone could be so cruel. We know the answer to why someone can be so cruel--they are missing Jesus. Our response to the broken shouldn't be to be broken ourselves. Our response should be to love and show the broken who Jesus is.

Sometimes, even when people have Jesus, they themselves are still hurting. In our ever-growing, narcissistic, "but first let me take a selfie" world, it is imperative that we teach our children that it's not about me, me, me. People's hurtful words toward us are rarely about us. It's usually more about the person speaking those words.

I'm not saying that parents shouldn't show empathy for their children when confronted with cruelty. What I am saying is that we must measure our response in light of the Truth of God.

You are a Treasure

My dearest loves, I want you to always know that you are a treasure. You are bought with a price--and that price was the shedding of Jesus' blood at Calvary. Giving up one's life for another's is the ultimate price to pay. People are only willing to pay an ultimate price if they value what they are getting in return.

It really all comes down to value. You have to know how much your value is, and you can never forget it. The value of any item is always dependent on how much someone is willing to pay for that item. If someone is willing to pay $100 for say, a baseball card, then the value of that baseball card is $100. So remember that Jesus paid the ultimate price--his life--for you. That's how much He thinks you are worth.

When I was your age, I knew all of this, as well. I had all the head-knowledge that I could have. I knew scriptures by memory, and everyone always wanted me on their team for Bible trivia. But I didn't understand in my heart what any of it truly meant. I didn't realize my value. I didn't realize that I am an heir to the Throne of Glory. Romans 8:17 says, "Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." These aren't just words-they are actions. It means you are entitled to and have the right to everything God has if you choose to follow Him.

Following Christ is a daily decision. It takes every single day of your life choosing "to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me." We sometimes forget the "daily" part of Luke 9:23. Even when we don't feel like it, even when it hurts--Jesus will be there, and He will love you, because He already does, and He already proved that on the cross.