God is Love

Both girls' birthdays have already passed, and it's hard to believe it's already so far into the year. For Macey's birthday, we had a family dinner at "Chick-Way" as she calls Chick-Fil-A, then we went down to The Woodlands to see La-La and her family. On Macey's actual birthday, we went to the Houston Zoo. We rode the train, and we got to feed the giraffes. The kids thought it was pretty cool. While we were down there, we went to the Houston Rodeo. For Mikayla's birthday, she chose to get an iPad instead of a party. I told her that if she really wanted an iPad for her birthday, I wouldn't be able to afford a party for her. I let her decide. At first, she was pretty upset at the thought of not having a birthday party. After much thought, she said, "Well, an iPad will last forever, but a party will only last for one day. So I want the iPad." I said ok. I ended up spending about the same amount on the iPad as I would have for a present, party, cake and favors. In addition, the stress-relief of not having a party was well worth it.

I've been going through a pretty dry season with my walk with the Lord. I have felt distant from Him, and I know it is from sin in my life. I haven't been obeying what he has been telling me. I have been stubborn, and I've been trying to do things on my own. Even though I know that God's way is the only way. Even after He rescued me after my divorce. I still want to do what I want to do. It has been the biggest struggle in my life. I've had to give up something that I really wanted. I knew that it wasn't God's best for me, but I wanted it so badly. I finally surrendered to God, and it has still been so hard. I've had to once again learn how to rely solely on God. He has to be my comfort and strength. He has to be my source of happiness and security.

I have to learn how to be loved by God. All my life, I've heard that God loves me. I've read about it in scripture. I've repeated it millions of times to Mikayla and Macey. What I've never been able to do, though, is really receive God's love. I don't even know how to receive God's love. In Mark 12:30, it tells us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." I'm not even sure how to do that. How can I love Him, when sometimes I don't feel it?

I've come to realize the answer is in allowing God to love me. When God looks at me, His heart smiles. I make him exceedingly joyful. He beams with pride when He looks upon my face. He melts from the inside when he thinks about my name. ME! He feels this for ME! When I think about how much He loves me, how can I not help but fall in love with Him?

I John 4:8 tells us that God is love. It's what He is. It's His state of being. How awesome is it that I am loved by Love Itself?

When I look at God this way, it makes it much easier to rest in Him and trust in Him that He is in control of my life. It makes it easier to believe that the things He tells me to give up - that I really want - aren't always what He wants for me.

God’s perfect plan for me was never for me to go through a divorce. His perfect plan for my life was to have an intimate relationship with Him. His perfect plan was for me to follow Him, put Him first in my life, and to never allow anything to come between our relationship.

Up until last year, I didn’t have that same plan. I had my own plan. I wanted to get married, have babies, and live the American dream. I was a Christian, but I was far from where God wanted me. I didn’t have much of a real relationship with Him.

When Adam left, I was devastated. The only place I knew to turn was up. God used this horrible, awful, heartbreaking experience to nudge me back to His plan for my life. So many times, we think that God’s plan for our life is scripted out. That we have to make all of the “right decisions.” I don’t believe that at all. I believe that God’s plan for our lives is to have an intimate relationship with Him. Everything else is just details.